Meo: Hey Perkins, I know you’re a slave to reality TV, so, maybe you can answer this question? How many “Housewives” shows are there?
Perkins: By now, there is one in almost every major city. Rumor has it there is going to be one in Washington D.C., sans Michelle Obama. Though my allegiance will always be to the blonde, blingy, leathery Orange County wives, I’m intrigued by these teased, tan, smack-talking Jersey girls. Oh the drama. As a native of New Jersey, I’m sure you take offense to this cliched representation of the Garden State.
Meo: Yeah, I’m offended. Like “The Sopranos” offended me. Please. Facts are never offensive. The one woman I saw in an interview looks like Eva Longoria, if her face had been removed, beaten on a rock, sun-baked in Death Valley and stretched over a research cadaver’s skull. What do these people do and how did they get on TV?
Perkins: That’s a pretty accurate description. These women do nothing. They rear dopey children, keep up their appearances and cook for their greasy, money grubbing husbands. In return, they get to build their dream homes and buy things with big wads of cash. It’s the American dream, Jersey-style. I never want to be a housewife; but I sure do like to watch these materialistic mommies do their thing.
Meo: I doubt I could dumb myself down enough to watch, but I love that Jersey finally got one of these shows. That is a pretty sweet deal. I have a full barrel of insults I want to pour on them, but maybe, despite being the scum of the universe, they are the smart ones. They have the TV show, they have the cars, the houses, the money and the notoriety. Yup, I’m the fool.
Perkins: Oh it’s a trainwreck all right; but ratings gold. If you decide you can’t not watch — I suggest holding out until the reunion special for a recap of the season. Although, I don’t think the New Jersey wives will be as scandalous as the Atlanta ones, the season will bring more drama than the Orange County crew and maybe even the New York socialites. Mafia connections, stage moms and polyester make good fodder for reality junkies such as myself.
Meo: Speaking of junk, MTV’s movie awards were Sunday. Teen vamp-schlock “Twilight” was the big winner. The sequel is looming. What’s your level of excitement? Be honest. Robert Pattison ... International heart throb or skinny-jean wearing putz. What are the odds Kristen Stewart invested in some acting lessons?
Perkins: I haven’t watched the MTV movie awards since my high school days. Only the music award show is worth watching for the odd one-time collaborations. I could care less about “Twilight,” Rob Pattison or the over-rated Kristen Stewart. They make me feel old. And I’m not. I don’t get the hype. And from what I hear, the “Twilight” books are garbage.
Meo: Most stuff makes me feel old, which is why I spend way too much money on games and toys and such — for the delusion of youth. In the interest of self-defense, I didn’t watch the show, although I was tempted with Andy Samberg as host. I doubt I missed anything Earth-shattering. I find it disturbing ... startling ... puzzling, that credible actors — I saw Denzell Washington in a clip, he counts right? — show up for this thing. Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as an angel/ valkyrie kinda thing landed face first in Eminem’s lap. Em was not pleased. I’m surprised Borat didn’t get capped.
Perkins: You buy toys, I buy sunscreen. The thing about those shows is, if anything outrageous happened (like the time the Rage Against the Machine guy scaled the stage decorations), you would be able to find it mentioned on one of the many gossip grapevines. I have a short attention span. I only pay homage to those “credible actors’”during the real award season. I may have a diverse television palette, but it can be discriminating and it certainly doesn’t involve Borat.
John Meo is the design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. High five! Emily Perkins is editorial assistant. She is looking for a real househusband.
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