Perkins: As if morning television isn't mind-numbing enough, we're gonna throw a Bush into the mix. Well, a Bush-Hager. That's right, Jenna Bush just landed a gig as a "Today" show contributor. Hmmm, wonder why? We'll see if she can be slightly more articulate than her father.
Meo: Wow, how mad is she? She squeezed out 14 and is still WAY behind. And broke. And about as stable as a Pogo stick. Sartre was nearly right. Hell is other people ... other people's children on TV.
Perkins: It's child abuse if you ask me. What's the normal-to-not-normal ratio there? They are home schooled, all play instruments and travel around in a bus. What does the media do? Give them a TLC reality show. Why not a variety hour? Just because you have a million children doesn't mean you should get a show, Nadya Suleman.
Meo: My dislike for morning news is well-chronicled in these hallowed columns, but I'll defend Mr. Bush. He wasn't as dopey as people think. The myth of his lack of intelligence simply took on a life of its own when it became completely acceptable to rip a sitting American president for any reason, legitimate or not. That said, I'll politely decline Jenna's news reports. I seriously doubt I'll learn anything of value from her.
Perkins: She joins the ranks of Joy Behar, Kathy Lee Gifford, Ben Stein and Moe Rocca - B-list names who are supposed to lend credibility, but just give us our daily does of infotainment. The hyphenated name doesn't fool me. I remember her college antics on the cover of US Weekly. Her stint will probably be short lived, much like the hyped up hurricane Danny. Too bad.
Meo: Stein is smart, the others couldn't Super Size a Happy Meal without audio instructions and six assistants. Speaking of infotainment, Edward Kennedy's funeral sure turned into a myopic circus. Funny how we forget the details *cough*crimes*cough* of a man's life and spout endless poetry about his "unflinching this" and "dedication to that" once he's gone. I know the thing with the Kennedys is generational, it's something I'll never understand, but such short, fuzzy memories we have. Plaxico Burress shot himself (yes, dazzlingly stupid) and got two years in prison. I wonder what would have happened to Plaxico Kennedy? Is there rehab for unlawful discharge of a firearm addiction?
Perkins: Stein does have some impressive credentials from back in the day. Since his days as a speech writer, he's been hawking eye drops and trying to find Ferris Bueller. As for the Kennedy clan, America loves them. And there will never be a comparable family. At least they weren't talking about Michael Jackson for a few hours. I avoided the media debauchery. I understand the coverage to a degree. However, that Duggar family should not get any media attention whatsoever. They are having their 19th kid. Gross.
Meo: Can you even tell the difference after four? Does Mrs. Duggar even have labor pains, or do the new kids just drop when they're done baking? Do you bother with names, or do you just yell and assume a tiny subordinate will build/retrieve/clean whatever it is you want? I can't even say 19 children is my worst nightmare, because that's one child. Beyond, and it becomes a blur of shapes and colors and smells that paralyze the soul and numb the mind. The dad's name is Jim Bob. Really? This has to be a Jeff Foxworthy routine and not, I repeat, not at all real.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She has the end of summer blues. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He won't get a flu shot, and he won't get the flu.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Culture Clash: After Vegas vacation, about three months of recovery time would be nice
Meo: All right Perkins, they say "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." But not when it comes to Culture Clash. Spill it.
Meo: Oh, c'mon Perkins. Did they make you sign a non-disclosure form when you landed in Nevada? Who'd ya see? What'd ya drink? What color was it when ya chucked it into the pool? Or do you not remember? Perkins: There are only a few details I'm willing, able and legally allowed to divulge. It's true what they say, and all those movie cliches are indeed realistic. Let's just say I could use a vacation after my vacation.
Perkins: Because my mom and nana are my biggest fans, I must abstain from the gritty details. Pinky swears were made to protect the innocent. Despite my BAC and the heat, I'm pretty sure I didn't hallucinate seeing Pete Rose with questionable arm candy at The Palms. He heard our whispers and turned around and said, "I apologize." Not sure if the apology was for the company he keeps or the whole gambling thing.
Meo: Or his hair? You know, despite your negative comments, if you flipped him a $20, he would have signed every piece of trash you put in front of him. I heard you were in proximity of Flavor Flav. Your eyes and ears appear to be functioning, so I assume you neither spoke to him, nor heard him speak. Or was Flav the questionable arm candy with whom Rose was consorting? Vegas, baby!
Perkins: I should have cashed in, but I was holding out for someone I like. My other pseudo-celebrity sightings included Jermaine Dupree, DJ A.M., Holly Madison and the guy who does the celebrity hairstyle tips on E! news. Yes, I saved the best for last - Flavor Flav, clock and all. I stayed a good distance away for fear of catching any communicable diseases. Yes, I still have all my limbs, an empty ring finger and most of my dignity. I'll probably go back.
Meo: I'd call that a successful venture. Congrats Horatio. Closer to home, little childrens far and wide are rending garments and gnashing teeth, for school has returned. Any fond memories of those heady schoolgirl days you'd like share? My parents would sometimes drive me to my bus stop, about a mile away - really, really. If we missed my stop, my dad would lead-foot it to the next one. At the time, it was tremendously embarrassing. Now it makes complete sense.
Perkins: Successful, yes. I'll be going to bed at 8 p.m. the rest of the week and maybe church on Sunday. I don't miss the early bedtimes, school lunches and first-day jitters. Now, I just can't feel sorry those kids after a three-month vacation.
Meo: It's funny, but throwing tennis balls at nuns, into traffic, and off plate-glass windows didn't seem bad at the time, but ... no, wait ... They still don't. Where was I going with this? Three-month vacations sure were nice, though. Nothing but empty days to do with as you pleased. - Wistful sigh, a single tear falls - How about that swine flu?
Perkins: Somebody was a rambunctious child. Why am I not surprised? I do enjoy the slowing of tourist traffic in my seaside town when summer starts to wind down. With the end of warm temperatures comes cabin fever. And you can bet your aces I'll be getting the swine flu vaccine come October.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She'll be spending the remainder of the week untagging herself on Facebook. John Meo is design director at the Norwich Bulletin. Not really at. More like toward. Or in the vicinity of. Near. Yeah that's it.
Meo: Oh, c'mon Perkins. Did they make you sign a non-disclosure form when you landed in Nevada? Who'd ya see? What'd ya drink? What color was it when ya chucked it into the pool? Or do you not remember? Perkins: There are only a few details I'm willing, able and legally allowed to divulge. It's true what they say, and all those movie cliches are indeed realistic. Let's just say I could use a vacation after my vacation.
Perkins: Because my mom and nana are my biggest fans, I must abstain from the gritty details. Pinky swears were made to protect the innocent. Despite my BAC and the heat, I'm pretty sure I didn't hallucinate seeing Pete Rose with questionable arm candy at The Palms. He heard our whispers and turned around and said, "I apologize." Not sure if the apology was for the company he keeps or the whole gambling thing.
Meo: Or his hair? You know, despite your negative comments, if you flipped him a $20, he would have signed every piece of trash you put in front of him. I heard you were in proximity of Flavor Flav. Your eyes and ears appear to be functioning, so I assume you neither spoke to him, nor heard him speak. Or was Flav the questionable arm candy with whom Rose was consorting? Vegas, baby!
Perkins: I should have cashed in, but I was holding out for someone I like. My other pseudo-celebrity sightings included Jermaine Dupree, DJ A.M., Holly Madison and the guy who does the celebrity hairstyle tips on E! news. Yes, I saved the best for last - Flavor Flav, clock and all. I stayed a good distance away for fear of catching any communicable diseases. Yes, I still have all my limbs, an empty ring finger and most of my dignity. I'll probably go back.
Meo: I'd call that a successful venture. Congrats Horatio. Closer to home, little childrens far and wide are rending garments and gnashing teeth, for school has returned. Any fond memories of those heady schoolgirl days you'd like share? My parents would sometimes drive me to my bus stop, about a mile away - really, really. If we missed my stop, my dad would lead-foot it to the next one. At the time, it was tremendously embarrassing. Now it makes complete sense.
Perkins: Successful, yes. I'll be going to bed at 8 p.m. the rest of the week and maybe church on Sunday. I don't miss the early bedtimes, school lunches and first-day jitters. Now, I just can't feel sorry those kids after a three-month vacation.
Meo: It's funny, but throwing tennis balls at nuns, into traffic, and off plate-glass windows didn't seem bad at the time, but ... no, wait ... They still don't. Where was I going with this? Three-month vacations sure were nice, though. Nothing but empty days to do with as you pleased. - Wistful sigh, a single tear falls - How about that swine flu?
Perkins: Somebody was a rambunctious child. Why am I not surprised? I do enjoy the slowing of tourist traffic in my seaside town when summer starts to wind down. With the end of warm temperatures comes cabin fever. And you can bet your aces I'll be getting the swine flu vaccine come October.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She'll be spending the remainder of the week untagging herself on Facebook. John Meo is design director at the Norwich Bulletin. Not really at. More like toward. Or in the vicinity of. Near. Yeah that's it.
Culture Clash: Pop culture figures spawning early costume ideas
Meo: So, Perkins, I understand you're going as Kate Gosselin for Halloween. This strikes me as odd. Last year, it was Sarah Palin wigs. This year, some reality TV yutz, and both, we'll call them costumes, require only the purchase of a wig. What happened to really investing in a costume and going as a cow or a Christmas tree?
Perkins: My secret is out. Throughout the years my costumes have run the gamut of traditional or cliche costumes - princess, witch, hippie, etc. I find its much more fun to be a pop culture figure and poke a little fun. The wigs are going for $14.99 online. It's a simple costume: ridiculously spikey wig, fake tan, dangly earrings and let's not forget the wedding ring she is still sporting. Now, if only I could find eight adorable children to wander around me. I'm guessing you're "too old" too dress up. But humor me - who would you like to dress up as?
Meo: I've always had ideas but never acted on any of them, mostly because they were too expensive, but also because they required some amount of time to assemble. So, in the unlikely event I did attend such a party, it was as something goofy or embarassing. But I guess that's the point. I'd probably go as Indiana Jones. Nothing fancy, the ultimate Everyman. Plus, you have a whip. Never know, during the course of an evening, when one of those might come in handy.
Perkins: We'll leave that one alone. For me, the assembly part is one of the most exciting parts along with the reaction of others. We're pulling a retail faux pas by bringing up Halloween months in advance. I can't let the column go by without making mention of John Hughes. Though a product of the 1980s myself, I caught up on the teen angst movie maven's long filmography during my high school and college years appropriately. Many of his movies are timeless and I just can't pick a favorite.
Meo: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." As if there's any contest. What teen didn't watch that movie and drip with jealousy or at least imagine experiencing that day? I'd say a close second was "Breakfast Club." Put the rest in whatever order you want. But Ferris is No. 1. Hands down.
Perkins: Good choice. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I know every word to "Home Alone." Say what you will, but it's a great movie. However, "Say Anything" has John Cusack. He's great. And, every family can relate to those "National Lampoon" movies. Regardless, all the movies had great characters and even better soundtracks. I don't know of anyone who is pulling that off for today's teenie boppers.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She's most likely "eating junk food and watching rubbish." John Meo is the design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He's too lazy to come up with a tagline this week.
Perkins: My secret is out. Throughout the years my costumes have run the gamut of traditional or cliche costumes - princess, witch, hippie, etc. I find its much more fun to be a pop culture figure and poke a little fun. The wigs are going for $14.99 online. It's a simple costume: ridiculously spikey wig, fake tan, dangly earrings and let's not forget the wedding ring she is still sporting. Now, if only I could find eight adorable children to wander around me. I'm guessing you're "too old" too dress up. But humor me - who would you like to dress up as?
Meo: I've always had ideas but never acted on any of them, mostly because they were too expensive, but also because they required some amount of time to assemble. So, in the unlikely event I did attend such a party, it was as something goofy or embarassing. But I guess that's the point. I'd probably go as Indiana Jones. Nothing fancy, the ultimate Everyman. Plus, you have a whip. Never know, during the course of an evening, when one of those might come in handy.
Perkins: We'll leave that one alone. For me, the assembly part is one of the most exciting parts along with the reaction of others. We're pulling a retail faux pas by bringing up Halloween months in advance. I can't let the column go by without making mention of John Hughes. Though a product of the 1980s myself, I caught up on the teen angst movie maven's long filmography during my high school and college years appropriately. Many of his movies are timeless and I just can't pick a favorite.
Meo: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." As if there's any contest. What teen didn't watch that movie and drip with jealousy or at least imagine experiencing that day? I'd say a close second was "Breakfast Club." Put the rest in whatever order you want. But Ferris is No. 1. Hands down.
Perkins: Good choice. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I know every word to "Home Alone." Say what you will, but it's a great movie. However, "Say Anything" has John Cusack. He's great. And, every family can relate to those "National Lampoon" movies. Regardless, all the movies had great characters and even better soundtracks. I don't know of anyone who is pulling that off for today's teenie boppers.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She's most likely "eating junk food and watching rubbish." John Meo is the design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He's too lazy to come up with a tagline this week.
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