Culture Clash: After Vegas vacation, about three months of recovery time would be nice

Meo: All right Perkins, they say "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." But not when it comes to Culture Clash. Spill it.

Meo: Oh, c'mon Perkins. Did they make you sign a non-disclosure form when you landed in Nevada? Who'd ya see? What'd ya drink? What color was it when ya chucked it into the pool? Or do you not remember? Perkins: There are only a few details I'm willing, able and legally allowed to divulge. It's true what they say, and all those movie cliches are indeed realistic. Let's just say I could use a vacation after my vacation.

Perkins: Because my mom and nana are my biggest fans, I must abstain from the gritty details. Pinky swears were made to protect the innocent. Despite my BAC and the heat, I'm pretty sure I didn't hallucinate seeing Pete Rose with questionable arm candy at The Palms. He heard our whispers and turned around and said, "I apologize." Not sure if the apology was for the company he keeps or the whole gambling thing.

Meo: Or his hair? You know, despite your negative comments, if you flipped him a $20, he would have signed every piece of trash you put in front of him. I heard you were in proximity of Flavor Flav. Your eyes and ears appear to be functioning, so I assume you neither spoke to him, nor heard him speak. Or was Flav the questionable arm candy with whom Rose was consorting? Vegas, baby!

Perkins: I should have cashed in, but I was holding out for someone I like. My other pseudo-celebrity sightings included Jermaine Dupree, DJ A.M., Holly Madison and the guy who does the celebrity hairstyle tips on E! news. Yes, I saved the best for last - Flavor Flav, clock and all. I stayed a good distance away for fear of catching any communicable diseases. Yes, I still have all my limbs, an empty ring finger and most of my dignity. I'll probably go back.

Meo: I'd call that a successful venture. Congrats Horatio. Closer to home, little childrens far and wide are rending garments and gnashing teeth, for school has returned. Any fond memories of those heady schoolgirl days you'd like share? My parents would sometimes drive me to my bus stop, about a mile away - really, really. If we missed my stop, my dad would lead-foot it to the next one. At the time, it was tremendously embarrassing. Now it makes complete sense.

Perkins: Successful, yes. I'll be going to bed at 8 p.m. the rest of the week and maybe church on Sunday. I don't miss the early bedtimes, school lunches and first-day jitters. Now, I just can't feel sorry those kids after a three-month vacation.

Meo: It's funny, but throwing tennis balls at nuns, into traffic, and off plate-glass windows didn't seem bad at the time, but ... no, wait ... They still don't. Where was I going with this? Three-month vacations sure were nice, though. Nothing but empty days to do with as you pleased. - Wistful sigh, a single tear falls - How about that swine flu?

Perkins: Somebody was a rambunctious child. Why am I not surprised? I do enjoy the slowing of tourist traffic in my seaside town when summer starts to wind down. With the end of warm temperatures comes cabin fever. And you can bet your aces I'll be getting the swine flu vaccine come October.

Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She'll be spending the remainder of the week untagging herself on Facebook. John Meo is design director at the Norwich Bulletin. Not really at. More like toward. Or in the vicinity of. Near. Yeah that's it.