Culture clash: Some pursue beauty, youth; others, freakiness

Meo: So, I’m looking (Monday morning) at a perfectly attractive 44-year-old woman who thought she needed plastic surgery. She had fat (there wasn’t much) sucked from one part of her body and jammed into another — take a guess where. She looks unhealthy now, and fake, which she said she didn’t want. Of course, the orange-hued spray-on tan doesn’t help.

Perkins: I do not object to a few nips and tucks. Though I do think doctors say yes too often and poor, naive women end up walking out of the operating room looking like a cat or worse — Lisa Rinna. Plastic surgery should be used sparingly and with a certain amount of discretion. I might spring for Botox; thats about it.

Meo: So, you’d willingly, purposefully, have scorpion venom shoved into your skin? Wow, that’s tough. All for the sake of a youthful appearance. I heard the life expectancy of the average American born in the new millennium will be 100, and we aren’t far off from eternal life. I’m down with that. As long as it doesn’t get to me when I’m 80. I’d consider bionics, synthetic organs, having my brain transferred into a robotic body ... just not a face lift. Where does that fall on the vanity spectrum?

Perkins: I’m all for living to be a century old. I think I can accomplish a lot in 100 years, but it would be better if I looked good doing it. You have been watching too much sci-fi. I think the vanity spectrum has a lot to do with genes and geography.

Meo: Genes and geography have nothing to do with me wanting a titanium skeleton or a Tupperware spleen. I use 10 percent of my brain. I’m sure some servos and chippy thingies would push it a little more. Changing gears, maybe your relative youngness can explain Lady Gaga. I say no-talent hack freakshow. Prove me wrong.

Perkins: Lady Gaga is on her way to the land of overexposure. Her music is easy on the ears, if you’re into thoughtless pop. Her wardrobe keeps her in the weekly rag magazines. I am still deeply disturbed by her MTV VMA performance, but intrigued by her originality. Did you know she is an uppity, private school-educated New Yorker?

Meo: Well then, I dislike her even more. Originality? Is that what they call it these days? And now for a segment I like to call “Let’s get smarterer.” Quick, who’s Carol Greider? Hint, she’s Monday afternoon’s top search on Yahoo!

Perkins: OK, originality may not be the word. It’s certainly something different. I’ll take “Female Scientist Who Won the Nobel Peace Prize” for 500. First off, congrats to three Americans for taking that prize this year. Secondly, two of the awards went to women. Not too shabby America.

Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She never thought David Letterman was funny. John Meo is design editor for the Norwich Bulletin. After eight years of marriage (this week), he does the same stupid stuff.