Perkins: John Meo, 1, 24-hour news networks, 0. You called it (Meo’s note: Called it immediately). Balloon Boy was a hoax. Those crazies tricked us — most of us anyway. This story might be one of the worst I’ve ever heard. I love how the kid spilled the beans on “Larry King Live.” The Crypt Keeper can get anyone to ’fess up.
Meo: Well, what can I say? My skepticism pays off sometimes. The video of the balloon floating away and the dad kicking the chair was about as scripted a TV moment as I’ve ever seen. Plus, the weirdo was on “Wife Swap.” That is everything you need to know about him.
Perkins: In a twisted way, I wanted the boy to be in the balloon — and land safely, of course. For a short time, I was convinced little Falcon was in the Mylar monstrosity, but as more information was made available by the bumbling news anchors and their random sources, it became apparent the whole incident was a bust. The story is better than most scripted reality shows. Maybe they can sell their story from behind bars.
Meo: See, that’s the problem. Either way, those idiots win. It’s like sending a millionaire/billionaire to jail. Sure, there’s the jail time, but eventually that ends and swanky life gets back to normal. These people want publicity. They’re getting it, even if that means they’ll face charges and lawsuits. In time, some rag or TV station will ante up for the story and what should result in complete alienation results in a small fortune and said fame. Life works backward when it comes to the media.
Perkins: Thanks for the tip. I’m plotting as we speak. We can expect to see Balloon Boy and family resurface on one of those end-of-the-year countdowns. With news stories like that, I think we can prove TV really can rot your brain. On the other hand, a new study shows the Internet is good for your brain. Good thing I spend close to eight hours per day on it.
Meo: Yeah, and the study probably was brought to you by Microsoft or Google. Not buying it. Even at its best, the Internet is bad for you. It’s even infiltrated the language. Google (v.) to perform a search for information using a Web database (taken from its namesake) because memorizing facts is too much work. I’m online in some way or another about 19 hours per day. That’s horrifying. It’s like being in the Matrix without the comforting placental goo or the giant cable rammed into your brain stem. Meo ... Neo ... Uh oh. Maybe I AM The One.
Perkins: In all fairness, the study was conducted with middle-age and older subjects. Many youngsters spend countless hours perusing for junk. I’ve “Googled” some pretty odd things in my day. Using the Web isn’t rocket science, but it certainly takes some finesse, especially for a novice. There’s no going back.
Meo: I’m imagining a steak. And I’m an expert on kung fu and Sanskrit. Waiting, waiting. Nothing. No, there’s no going back, and we have some amazing resources at our fingertips, but I’m as guilty as the next person of wasting what should be infinite learning opportunities because oooohhh, look, Rasputin’s face is on this grilled-cheese sandwich (there’s a photo gallery!) or I want to know which ‘80s sitcom character I am. For the record, I’m Dan from “Night Court.”
Perkins: Not sure where you are going with that, but I think you have proved that you look up useless info. My mom likes to self-diagnose, read the news or find recipes, so she is generally doing productive things. Growing up, I would always hear about how TV rots your brain and can put a grown man (aka, my dad) into a catatonic state, especially on Sundays. At least the Internet keeps your fingers moving and requires some neurons to fire.
Meo: This week’s rapid redirect: Check the film review. It warns of “some sensuality, language, thematic elements and smoking.” SMOKING. The horror. “Thematic elements” are dangerous, everyone knows that, but we don’t need to be warned of smoking in movies, do we Perkins?
Perkins: Ugh, depends what they are smoking. This has been an argument for years. The cigarette tax is sky high, cancer campaigns are everywhere and the Marlboro man is nowhere to be seen. But, if people want to smoke let them smoke. There are so many other things I would like to be warned about.
Emily Perkins is news assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She’s not afraid of swine flu. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. His brain reacts in funny ways to Peter Cullen’s voice.
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