Perkins: A few weeks ago, Seth Meyers addressed the controversy surrounding TLC reality stars Jon and Kate by joking they would each be getting their own show “Jon Plus Four” and “Kate Plus Four.” After the Season 5 premiere Monday night, it’s no joke the couple might be heading to Splitsville. It’s totally sad, but what’s more sad is I might have to start watching the Duggars if America’s favorite couple doesn’t reconcile.
Meo: Humor me, I’m old. What’s a Duggars? As for Jon and Kate, I could not care less about their marriage, their children, her new haircut, him allegedly sleeping with a teacher ... see how bad it is? I don’t watch this show, I know all this stuff, literally, by osmosis. Grocery store checkout, “The (Dreadful) Early Show,” you. They should rename the show “Jon & Kate Hate Each Other Because They Sold Their Souls For 15 Minutes of Fame Plus Their 8 Hates Them & They’re All in Therapy.”
Perkins: The Duggars have 17 children and apparently this qualifies them for a TLC stimulus package. What’s worse is all their children’s names start with the letter J. I don’t recommend it and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t intrigue you. Like most pop culture buzz, I can’t ignore the Jon-and-Kate controversy. They seemed like such a happy-go-lucky TV family. Now fame has reared its ugly head and viewers are being forced to choose sides.
Meo: I can see how being forced to pick a side in this epic showdown could be difficult, much like choosing sides in the King of Kong battle. For those not in the know, and I hope that’s everyone, E3, the huge annual video gaming convention is hosting a Donkey Kong championship thingie between ... well, the who doesn’t matter. Suffice it to say both guys appear to have been stuck underground in a mall arcade for the last two decades, although my research suggests Competitor A is a normal, well-adjusted guy (for a Donkey Kong expert), and Competitor B is a mullet-headed, self-absorbed, delusional doofus. Maybe those guys deserve their own TLC show, too. TLC still stands for The Learning Channel, correct? Maybe it should be TLCD. The Lowest Common Denominator, based on its programming choices.
Perkins: I know nothing of this Donkey Kong battle. Video games are to John Meo as junky reality shows are to Emily Perkins. Though Competitor A sounds like John Gosselin, whereas Competitor B sounds like Kate Gosselin — the villain? For some time, I didn’t comprehend the hype, but with some coercing and a vacant TV programming spot I caved ... and those children are so darn cute. The show will just not be the same if Jon and Kate are not sharing the couch. This is the best thing TLC has going for it and it’s all about to implode.
Meo: I remember when “Trading Spaces” was TLC’s best. It was so happy. Even when Doug Wilson or that uppity Hildie What’s-her-face experimented on some poor chump (or chumps). But c’mon Perkins, everyone knows Donkey Kong. Ape kidnaps plumber’s girl, plumber climbs ladders, leaps barrels and swings hammer to rescue her ... It’s all very dramatic, even in 8-bits (or maybe fewer). It seems Jon and Kate are heading (I hope) toward their own kill screen (Google it), and trust me Perkins, you’ll be better for it. I’m shocked it took this long.
Perkins: I was a big fan of Genevieve. TLC knows how to produce simple entertainment. Something that barely entertains me is video games. You know this. I’d much rather watch cute children bonk each other on the head and say the darndest things. I don’t see this storm winding down too soon because Season 5 has just begun. So be prepared Joel McHale, Conan O’Brien, Seth Meyers, Ryan Seacrest and all you other pseudo-pop culture critics. You are gonna have a lot to say about this one. Amy Poehler would make a killer Kate. I for one will be watching the whole time, because I buy into the hype.
Meo: I admit I was mildly amused by the “Mom to Monster” headline I saw on one of the store rack rags. But I assume a divorce means the end of the show, the end of the money. Conclusion: This is all an act. They made the decision to exploit themselves and their (alleged) children. Octo-moron nearly upstaged Jon and Kate, so drastic measures had to be taken. It’s just a shame those measures were so successful.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. Her advice to Kate: Loose the do! John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. His advice to Jon: Hang on to the dough!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
CULTURE CLASH: Identity crisis more likely, compliments of the Internet
Perkins: Doppelgangers. Everyone has one. I have had several. By definition, a doppelganger is the ghostly double of a living person and often, they’re sinister. Most recently, my doppelganger has been sighted in cyberspace. So, I’ve officially been “doppelganged,” both physically and metaphysically. Where’s your doppelganger, Meo?
Meo: Oh, I’m often imitated, but never duplicated, or doppelganged ... Is that even a word? I say it isn’t. If we were playing “Mirror, Mirror” though, I’d likely have a good counterpart. At least, that’s what I’ve been told by many people for many years.
Perkins: It’s one thing to be mistaken as the fourth blonde triplet in high school. Or maybe your friends swear they saw you in line at the drive-through at McDonald’s (wasn’t me). It’s another thing to Google your name and find your work all over the place. If someone is going to serve as my doppelganger, let it be Olivia Wilde and not Hiliary Duff, as previously proposed. Who would be your celebrity doppelganger? (P.S.: I’m going for a word-usage record.)
Meo: I Google myself and get ... Myself. Which is probably a good thing, although I’m sure there’s some “guest” in this country rockin’ my Social Security number. Celebrity doppelganger? I’m pretty sure I’ve never been confused with someone on TV or in movies. If I throw a hoodie on, I look like the Unibomber composite, but who doesn’t? In high school, I had the misfortune of resembling David Koresh. Neither counts as a celebrity, right?
Perkins: Looks as if you’re a one of a kind. If I were you, I’d stay away from those creepy non-celebrity comparisons. Maybe I should consider changing my name to some absurd celebrity baby-type combination. It’s pretty clear no one’s identity is sacred these days. I can’t even buy my own domain because www.emilyperkins.com is taken by a brunette sci-fi actress. There must be a way to combat the doppelgangers. What would Andy Samberg do?
Meo: Samberg (and crew) would write a song and do a video featuring unlikely celebrity cameos in which those celebrities make fun of the themselves by wearing ’70s cop mustaches and velour tracksuits. Googling johnmeo.com returns johnmoe.com – no idea who he is – and variations of me, edited echoes of me appearing in publications scattered throughout GateHouse (I assume) ... yup, complete with archive video and that ridiculous mug shot (no, the other one). That settles it Perkins, I’m my own twin. Which you thought only happened in the South.
Perkins: I’ll refer you to Hulu for the Samberg interpretation. You win “most original” on this one. Congrats. As for my doppelgangers. I’ll find them one way or another. In the meantime, I guess I’ll go by Emily C. Perkins.
Emily C. Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She can be reached at various locations through the United States and via the World Wide Web. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He shot the wrong guy, didn’t he? Yeah, he did.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Culture Clash: Movie remakes and retakes — Some should be left alone
P erkins: Meo, my gripe of the week is movie remakes and retakes. I think movie studios are copping out in this recession and cranking out easy-to-remake popular or nostalgic franchise flicks. This recent “Wolverine” epic is clearly a retake on the popular “X-Men” series. How many “X-Men” movies are there now? The answer: too many. I want some originality for a $10 ticket.
Meo: “Wolverine” isn’t a retake or a remake. That would be tough to do when the “X-Men” movie franchise is only a few years old. “Origins” should be the big hint there. Likewise with “Star Trek,” to which I assume you’re also referring. This “Star Trek” takes place before the others, even the TV series, so, it’s a prequel yes, but it’s a fresh take on the characters and story. If a franchise works, I say run with it. Until it doesn’t. And the fans will say when that is. Besides, these two franchises are venerable and don’t get much more original.
Perkins: Prequels are just as bad. Did you ever see the prequel to “Silence of the Lambs,” “Red Dragon”? It was garbage. “Footloose” does not need to be remade. The Kevin Bacon version is a classic. Now that Zac Efron dropped out, we’re stuck with Chase Crawford. I don’t see the Kevin Bacon resemblance. “G.I. Joe” was a classic 1980s toy and cartoon, which is now going to be ruined by big, graphic explosions and Sienna Miller. Another take on “Star Trek”? Aliens, meteors, other spaceships, oh my! Maybe, just maybe I’ll give “Fame” a shot.
Meo: You’re jealous because boys get all the cool stuff. The “Transformers” sequel is going to be fantastic. “G.I. Joe,” well, that could be a mess, but it also could be non-vomit inducing. You’re not fooling anyone. You’ll be first in line for the “Sex and the City” sequel, because that is so necessary. I’ll buy into your “Footloose” annoyance, though. Not much to be done there. Who’s Chase Crawford?
Perkins: It’s not that I’m jealous of boys and their toys. It’s just that boys are so easily amused. Throw in some action heroes, blow something up and add a femme fatale and presto, instant dude movie. For the record, they should not be making another “Sex and the City” because the first one came full circle. It’s just greedy. Chase Crawford is part of the “Gossip Girl” ensemble and he’s hoping this cheesy remake will give him some solo spotlight. Oh, and here’s another: “Final Destination.” The word “final” is in the title!
Meo: Here’s a history lesson in “Final.” In 1987, “Final Fantasy” was released on the Nintendo Entertainment System. (I still have it, by the way, it was and is awesome.) In 2006, “Final Fantasy XII” released. In between, there have been countless versions and variations. In the world of money, there’s no such thing as “final.” The new trend is to announce a sequel while the predecessor is still in the theater. This is brilliant. I just wish I could announce a sequel, or even a prequel of myself while I’m still in my prime.
John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. Too many people joked this week he had swine flu. Emily Perkins is news assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She totally thought Meo had swine flu.
CULTURE CLASH: Swine flu means Michael Jackson's facemask back in style
Meo: Hey Perkins, what’s the bigger disaster: Susan Boyle’s makeover, thus erasing her ugly-but-talented angle and angering Simon Cowell, or swine flu? Also, for bonus points, name the next global pandemic.
Perkins: I’m going to go with swine flu, because my throat is closing up, I can’t stop sneezing and I’m achy all over. Media hysteria? Maybe. Allergies? Probably. That Boyle broad was asking for help with eyebrows like that. She’s lucky. All these people dropping like flies from this presently incurable flu — not so much. Because farm animals plus flu-like symptoms equal pandemic panic, I’m going to predict bovine flu.
Meo: I don’t get flu, um, things. I get nausea and headaches. I am sick (yeah!) of the media banging the swine flu war drum. A baby died in Texas. That’s unfortunate. But for most Americans, this is a non-issue, and it’s completely irresponsible for people in suits to get up and stir panic. I wonder what happened to Boyle’s challenger, that kid ... Maybe he’s quarantined with swine flu! Bovine flu isn’t far out on the limb, Perkins. Have reptiles caused worldwide fear recently? I’m going with that. Reptile flu. Godzilflu. Patented. Mark it.
Perkins: If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard “swine flu” this week, I’d have a lot of bacon (pun intended). I understand the precautionary measures, because if you don’t heed the advice, you’ll obviously fall victim. It’s Murphy’s Law. My question is: How in the world did it end up in New Zealand? Suddenly, everyone who sneezes is suspicious, myself included. I smell a Conficker-esque situation. Why are you still hung up on Susan when we’ve got a pandemic to pretend to worry about?
Meo: Because Susan is funny. She goes from a homely nobody to a youtube.com sweetheart to a self-absorbed quasi-poptart because she got a wax-job and a haircut. It’s not as if she’s going all Britney Spears on us. Yet. I am happy the air-filter is back. That’s as timeless as the three-piece suit. SARS? Mask. Avian flu? Mask. Swine flu? Mask. It’s something you can keep in your closet and know it’ll come back around. By the way, I called the CDC and reported you. Just in case. Sicky.
Perkins: The Boyle phenomenon happens periodically and people love a good makeover. Now, no more Boyle banter. Ironic how the face mask is coming back into the limelight just as Michael Jackson is coming out of the woodwork for his world tour, eh? If a mask is all that separates us from rapidly spreading illnesses, why aren’t we all wearing them everyday? Maybe they should never go out of style. The flu I can deal with, but it’s the other looming pandemics, such as a plague that would force me to be a shut-in.
Emily Perkins is news assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. You might not recognize her with a mask on. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He’s ... never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Rickrolled ya!
CULTURE CLASH: A child shall challenge her: British singer has competitor
April 23 Norwich Bulletin
Perkins: So, in an effort to keep our fans engaged, let’s have another go at the Culture Clash mash-up. Topic one: Susan Boyle had just started to dissolve out of the headlines when England found her competition, 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi. Judges call him a young Stevie Wonder. Why are people surprised spinsters and children can sing? One’s outward appearance has nothing to do with vocal capabilities. I’m over it. Well, I was never into it.
Meo: Here’s why Susan Boyle is news. She’s ugly, and the media are shocked ugly people have talent, although if I hear her sing the first few lines of that same song again, I’ll pull what little hair I have out. I suppose it was inevitable to have her square off against ... well, anyone. The initial reports were made as if she had won the competition and everyone just went home. Leave it to a child to rain on Edith Bunker’s parade. Raining on media trollop Perez Hilton’s parade is some beauty queen from California (another brilliant segue). When he tried to corner her with a question about gay marriage, she shockingly(?) revealed she was against it. Oops ... She was honest in the face of a question obviously intended to get one answer, and not the one she gave. Agree or disagree, give her credit for standing by her ideological/religious beliefs. Also, Perez (not his real name) is a putz of the highest order.
Perkins: No matter what came out of Miss California’s mouth — the pop culture pundits would have had something to say. Everyone was expecting a nicely crafted, PC, pageant answer. I give her props for her bold answer, but she’s from California. Aren’t people out there liberal, open-minded and peaceful? She probably expected a question about world peace or charity work. At least she didn’t stumble down the stairs or have verbal diarrhea like beauty queens in years past. It’s 2009 and it’s just too easy to poke fun. Care to take a jab at Zac (no k) Efron?
Meo: Set aside Ms. Cali’s “in my country” bit ... we’re all in the United States, young lady ... and yes, high marks for honesty. Not so much for her complaining that’s why she lost. Efron’s the poor man’s Justin Timberlake. That’s what he’s going for, or all he’ll achieve, anyway. Culture Clash has a long-standing tradition of JT love, so by default, I’m hating on Efron. He had an acceptable turn on SNL a few weeks ago, but he’ll fade, I’m sure. The tweens will lose interest and the adults, who’ve likely already given a collective shrug, will look elsewhere for their amusement. Especially if he chooses to co-star with Matthew Perry in young-again rehash flicks or similar detritus.
Perkins: Efron does a mean Cody Gifford and I give him props for his “High School Musical” spoof in which he declared people don’t sing in the real world. (though we all know I wish they would). The planets certainly are not aligned when this messy-haired, triple-threat kid beats out box office veterans Ben Affleck and Russell Crowe. He can’t declare he doesn’t want to be typcasted, do the 10th remake of “Freaky Friday,” but drop out of “Footloose.” I don’t think he has tremendous staying power either, just like those Jonas Brothers. JT is a maverick. Still, I’m not a fan of either heart-throb. Final thoughts?
Meo: In the words of JT as Robin Gibb, “No, no I don’t.”
Emily Perkins is news assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She has the pageant wave down pat. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He watches “The Early Show” four mornings each week, and loathes every minute of it.
Perkins: So, in an effort to keep our fans engaged, let’s have another go at the Culture Clash mash-up. Topic one: Susan Boyle had just started to dissolve out of the headlines when England found her competition, 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi. Judges call him a young Stevie Wonder. Why are people surprised spinsters and children can sing? One’s outward appearance has nothing to do with vocal capabilities. I’m over it. Well, I was never into it.
Meo: Here’s why Susan Boyle is news. She’s ugly, and the media are shocked ugly people have talent, although if I hear her sing the first few lines of that same song again, I’ll pull what little hair I have out. I suppose it was inevitable to have her square off against ... well, anyone. The initial reports were made as if she had won the competition and everyone just went home. Leave it to a child to rain on Edith Bunker’s parade. Raining on media trollop Perez Hilton’s parade is some beauty queen from California (another brilliant segue). When he tried to corner her with a question about gay marriage, she shockingly(?) revealed she was against it. Oops ... She was honest in the face of a question obviously intended to get one answer, and not the one she gave. Agree or disagree, give her credit for standing by her ideological/religious beliefs. Also, Perez (not his real name) is a putz of the highest order.
Perkins: No matter what came out of Miss California’s mouth — the pop culture pundits would have had something to say. Everyone was expecting a nicely crafted, PC, pageant answer. I give her props for her bold answer, but she’s from California. Aren’t people out there liberal, open-minded and peaceful? She probably expected a question about world peace or charity work. At least she didn’t stumble down the stairs or have verbal diarrhea like beauty queens in years past. It’s 2009 and it’s just too easy to poke fun. Care to take a jab at Zac (no k) Efron?
Meo: Set aside Ms. Cali’s “in my country” bit ... we’re all in the United States, young lady ... and yes, high marks for honesty. Not so much for her complaining that’s why she lost. Efron’s the poor man’s Justin Timberlake. That’s what he’s going for, or all he’ll achieve, anyway. Culture Clash has a long-standing tradition of JT love, so by default, I’m hating on Efron. He had an acceptable turn on SNL a few weeks ago, but he’ll fade, I’m sure. The tweens will lose interest and the adults, who’ve likely already given a collective shrug, will look elsewhere for their amusement. Especially if he chooses to co-star with Matthew Perry in young-again rehash flicks or similar detritus.
Perkins: Efron does a mean Cody Gifford and I give him props for his “High School Musical” spoof in which he declared people don’t sing in the real world. (though we all know I wish they would). The planets certainly are not aligned when this messy-haired, triple-threat kid beats out box office veterans Ben Affleck and Russell Crowe. He can’t declare he doesn’t want to be typcasted, do the 10th remake of “Freaky Friday,” but drop out of “Footloose.” I don’t think he has tremendous staying power either, just like those Jonas Brothers. JT is a maverick. Still, I’m not a fan of either heart-throb. Final thoughts?
Meo: In the words of JT as Robin Gibb, “No, no I don’t.”
Emily Perkins is news assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She has the pageant wave down pat. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He watches “The Early Show” four mornings each week, and loathes every minute of it.
CULTURE CLASH: No one had 'pirates' in the national security threat office pool
April 17 Norwich Bulletin
Meo: Hey Perkins, this week, I thought we’d serve up a Culture Clash smorgasbord, because lots of stuff is annoying me. First: pirates. Really? Some jerks in speedboats are the scourge of the high seas? We needed a SEAL team to rescue a boat captain, who never should have surrendered in the first place? Kudos to the SEAL team. I’m sure popping a couple of Blackbeard-wannabes was pretty close to shore leave for them, but how did we get to this point?
Perkins: Pirates are making a comeback and not the Jack Sparrow, swashbuckling, gold-collecting types. These guys are armed with heavy artillery, ransom demands and ninja outfits. According to network news, pirate attacks are on the rise, but we never hear about them unless our ships are under siege. And you know once this captain gets back home, he’ll be hailed as the next “Sully” Sullenberg. It really kept me on the edge of my seat this week, unlike the White House pooch.
Meo: Sully landed a plane on a river. Boat captain guy surrendered to some yahoos yelling “argh” and “avast.” Big difference, but nice transition ... I’m wondering why, on a Tuesday (and Wednesday) morning, in these difficult economic times, I’m being assaulted by the Obamas’ new dog, and Portuguese water dog-related “news” items. Is one right for you and your family? Sadly, this breed will get the Obama bump, but getting one isn’t like buying a jacket from J. Crew. Give it two months and we’ll start getting the “Obama dogs flood shelters” headlines. Apparently Joe Biden got a German shepherd, which came complete with death threats for the breeder. Maybe the threats came from the pirates.
Perkins: Seriously, pirates, bailouts, rampant unemployment and global warming really should trump Bo Obama. Instead, the press corps takes this opportunity to give us a history lesson on White House pets. Do I really need to know that Woodrow Wilson had a ram? It might help me on “Cash Cab.” Other than that, it’s useless. In other news, Dora the Explorer is now a tween.
Meo: Yeah, Dora really blossomed. Which apparently is a bad thing? I don’t know, I’m not familiar with her exploits and explorations, despite my vast, vast cartoon knowledge. What I do know is SpongeBob and Sir Mix-A-Lot are a match made in marketing-to-Meo heaven. The same people who are banged out about Dora’s maturation are probably the same people whining about BK’s rump-shaking awesomeness. If BK didn’t sling greaseballs and crusty bread, I’d be so down with that undersea freak.
Perkins: Too many tweens with their Twitter, exploitative fashion, lazy shorthand and million-dollar box office weekends. Dora should stay an adorable little, chubby adventurer. Classic characters: Mickey Mouse, Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and SpongeBob never grew up and they still are still making a living. And nothing about the SpongeBob/Sir Mix-A-Lot team makes me want greasy goodness. I guess I’m one of those people.
Meo: I don’t know what “those people” means. Generally speaking, I don’t like the idea of cartoons evolving or being “re-imagined,” either. I caught three or four minutes of a new version of “Transformers,” during which two Constructicons were outwitted by a child on rollerskates, when years ago they wouldhave crushed her beneath their giant metal heels. Or at least attempted to. These villains were felled, I believe, by marbles and silly string. And this child looked suspiciously like new Dora. See? No one wins. Except Sir Mix-A-Lot. He always wins. Because booty is booty, pirate or otherwise.
Emily Perkins is news assistant for the Norwich Bulletin. She is neither a pirate nor a tween. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. Woodrow Wilson had a ram!? John hopes his jealousy isn’t painfully obvious.
Meo: Hey Perkins, this week, I thought we’d serve up a Culture Clash smorgasbord, because lots of stuff is annoying me. First: pirates. Really? Some jerks in speedboats are the scourge of the high seas? We needed a SEAL team to rescue a boat captain, who never should have surrendered in the first place? Kudos to the SEAL team. I’m sure popping a couple of Blackbeard-wannabes was pretty close to shore leave for them, but how did we get to this point?
Perkins: Pirates are making a comeback and not the Jack Sparrow, swashbuckling, gold-collecting types. These guys are armed with heavy artillery, ransom demands and ninja outfits. According to network news, pirate attacks are on the rise, but we never hear about them unless our ships are under siege. And you know once this captain gets back home, he’ll be hailed as the next “Sully” Sullenberg. It really kept me on the edge of my seat this week, unlike the White House pooch.
Meo: Sully landed a plane on a river. Boat captain guy surrendered to some yahoos yelling “argh” and “avast.” Big difference, but nice transition ... I’m wondering why, on a Tuesday (and Wednesday) morning, in these difficult economic times, I’m being assaulted by the Obamas’ new dog, and Portuguese water dog-related “news” items. Is one right for you and your family? Sadly, this breed will get the Obama bump, but getting one isn’t like buying a jacket from J. Crew. Give it two months and we’ll start getting the “Obama dogs flood shelters” headlines. Apparently Joe Biden got a German shepherd, which came complete with death threats for the breeder. Maybe the threats came from the pirates.
Perkins: Seriously, pirates, bailouts, rampant unemployment and global warming really should trump Bo Obama. Instead, the press corps takes this opportunity to give us a history lesson on White House pets. Do I really need to know that Woodrow Wilson had a ram? It might help me on “Cash Cab.” Other than that, it’s useless. In other news, Dora the Explorer is now a tween.
Meo: Yeah, Dora really blossomed. Which apparently is a bad thing? I don’t know, I’m not familiar with her exploits and explorations, despite my vast, vast cartoon knowledge. What I do know is SpongeBob and Sir Mix-A-Lot are a match made in marketing-to-Meo heaven. The same people who are banged out about Dora’s maturation are probably the same people whining about BK’s rump-shaking awesomeness. If BK didn’t sling greaseballs and crusty bread, I’d be so down with that undersea freak.
Perkins: Too many tweens with their Twitter, exploitative fashion, lazy shorthand and million-dollar box office weekends. Dora should stay an adorable little, chubby adventurer. Classic characters: Mickey Mouse, Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and SpongeBob never grew up and they still are still making a living. And nothing about the SpongeBob/Sir Mix-A-Lot team makes me want greasy goodness. I guess I’m one of those people.
Meo: I don’t know what “those people” means. Generally speaking, I don’t like the idea of cartoons evolving or being “re-imagined,” either. I caught three or four minutes of a new version of “Transformers,” during which two Constructicons were outwitted by a child on rollerskates, when years ago they wouldhave crushed her beneath their giant metal heels. Or at least attempted to. These villains were felled, I believe, by marbles and silly string. And this child looked suspiciously like new Dora. See? No one wins. Except Sir Mix-A-Lot. He always wins. Because booty is booty, pirate or otherwise.
Emily Perkins is news assistant for the Norwich Bulletin. She is neither a pirate nor a tween. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. Woodrow Wilson had a ram!? John hopes his jealousy isn’t painfully obvious.
Culture Clash: King of Pop gear can be had for cheap ... tickets, not so much
Meo: About 20 years ago, I wanted a red leather jacket. My mom said “no,” and probably used some tired old line like, “I’m not paying for that,” or “You’ll look ridiculous in that.” In hindsight, it was one of her better foot-down moments. But with MJ going back on tour, maybe it’s time to score one on my own. Take that mom! I’m 31. I’m a man!
Perkins: These tough economic times have even gotten the best of the King of Pop. Jackson is auctioning off 2,000 of his most-prized worldly possessions from his now-abandoned Neverland Ranch. I don’t know what’s a better buy: the bedazzled white glove or the oil-on-canvas painting of Jackson dressed as a Renaissance king. Mom never sprung for that Bedazzler. I had big plans for it.
Meo: I think tough times crashed onto the king years ... decades ago. I suppose you could pity the guy for his lost childhood ... Blah blah blah ... But the guy’s brought heat on himself in so many ways. But set aside his legal battles. What exactly should an audience expect from him? Considering how he painfully limped into a courthouse ... in his pajamas, will he be able to moonwalk? To kick and spin, grab himself, go to the toes and screeeeeeeeeeeam? Shamon, Perkins! SHAMON!! I say, no. When he was healthy, he lit himself on fire dancing for a commercial. Bad things are coming from this tour. Bad things.
Perkins: Old school MJ was the man. And like so many others, he gained moderate success overseas to sustain his fame. If people will flock to see the Spice Girls and New Kids on the Block comeback tours, they will definitely come out for Michael Jackson. Plus, comebacks are the new breakdowns — people love them.
Meo: I have more respect for the aging acts that never went away, and that’s not saying much (see early Culture Clash). The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Metallica ... At least those bands stayed around, however questionable or watered-down their material and shows became. But the ones that go away, go away for good reason ... one-hit wonders, niche/genre bands that sparkle and fade, just freaks and weirdos. Yeah, people pay, but they pay for the things they remember from 20 years ago. They ain’t gettin’ that.
Perkins: Fair enough. But it’s the only thing the guy has done his whole life. What other choice does he have? Carnie, Peter Pan understudy, sun screen spokesmodel? I think not. Plus, just in time for tax rebate season, you can sport your red leather jacket to an MJ concert near you. The auction begins April 22.
Meo: If only Obama had factored this into the $700 billion stimulus thingy. $50 million for Michael Jackson repopification. Now that’s money well spent.
John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He doesn’t have tickets for New Kids on the Block. Yet. Emily Perkins is editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She beat John to the punch on “these tough economic times.”
CULTURE CLASH: Conficker virus hasn't done much, but it could keelhaul us
April 2 Norwich Bulletin
Perkins: Hi, I’m Emily and I’m a Mac. Fortunately, this means I am immune to this nasty Conficker computer worm predicted to infect millions of PC users. Ha ha. Though, early reports don’t show much damage. Maybe Conficker is just a really bad April Fool’s joke.
Meo: Hi, I’m John and I’m not a complete simpleton fooled by marketing schemes ... But we’ve been down that Culture Clash path. Admittedly, I was somewhat concerned about this virus, as I’ve never been, despite it being called “Conficker.” Who names these things? But, a thorough scan of my powerhouse PC revealed no malicious software. I do think the virus was more a product of media hype than any real threat.
Perkins: Yes, 24-hour news networks have given Conficker its fair share of coverage. I’m sure the sinister Conficker creator is holed up in his basement cackling away. According to the numerous computer experts adding their two cents, the joke may be on us when the worm weasels its way into our bank accounts a week later. Because the world is ruled by computers, I don’t think we can take these threats lightly.
Meo: Here’s me. Here my tongue. Here’s me giving a big fat raspberry to the pimply faced, basement-dwelling Conficker creator. He wants my money. Let him come get it. He’s probably right now yelling at his mom to get him some meatloaf.
Perkins: Maybe he is, while simultaneously bringing PC users to their knees. We have police to protect the forests, the oceans, the malls — what about the Internet? Someday one of these underground forces is going to pull off a Web worm that commits a virtual Ponzi scheme. But maybe I’m paranoid.
Meo: I’m convinced the guy responsible for this whole thing is Steve Jobs, and his incredible shrinking technology. The smaller his products get, the bigger his bank account grows. But now he’s just cutting out the middle man. No more pushing iPod Nanos to the brainwaxed masses. He’s going all turtlenecked-nerd pirate on us. Arrrgh, prepare to be virtually boarded by me Trojan worm! But seriously, you just need an updated virus guard, and you’re fine. Until Skynet ... then, you know, apocalypse ... And money doesn’t matter. So that’s fine.
Perkins: Steve is on to something— that is why he is rich. Simplicity is key. Don’t most PC users click ‘update later’ on their Norton Antivirus? Those updates are a nuisance and take too much time. We might have dodged this digital bullet, but it’s never too early to start planning defense tactics to ward off future pirates, Trojans and killer worms.
John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He forgot to mention “these difficult economic times.” Emily Perkins is editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She preferred the days when the worm was a lame ’80s dance move.
Perkins: Hi, I’m Emily and I’m a Mac. Fortunately, this means I am immune to this nasty Conficker computer worm predicted to infect millions of PC users. Ha ha. Though, early reports don’t show much damage. Maybe Conficker is just a really bad April Fool’s joke.
Meo: Hi, I’m John and I’m not a complete simpleton fooled by marketing schemes ... But we’ve been down that Culture Clash path. Admittedly, I was somewhat concerned about this virus, as I’ve never been, despite it being called “Conficker.” Who names these things? But, a thorough scan of my powerhouse PC revealed no malicious software. I do think the virus was more a product of media hype than any real threat.
Perkins: Yes, 24-hour news networks have given Conficker its fair share of coverage. I’m sure the sinister Conficker creator is holed up in his basement cackling away. According to the numerous computer experts adding their two cents, the joke may be on us when the worm weasels its way into our bank accounts a week later. Because the world is ruled by computers, I don’t think we can take these threats lightly.
Meo: Here’s me. Here my tongue. Here’s me giving a big fat raspberry to the pimply faced, basement-dwelling Conficker creator. He wants my money. Let him come get it. He’s probably right now yelling at his mom to get him some meatloaf.
Perkins: Maybe he is, while simultaneously bringing PC users to their knees. We have police to protect the forests, the oceans, the malls — what about the Internet? Someday one of these underground forces is going to pull off a Web worm that commits a virtual Ponzi scheme. But maybe I’m paranoid.
Meo: I’m convinced the guy responsible for this whole thing is Steve Jobs, and his incredible shrinking technology. The smaller his products get, the bigger his bank account grows. But now he’s just cutting out the middle man. No more pushing iPod Nanos to the brainwaxed masses. He’s going all turtlenecked-nerd pirate on us. Arrrgh, prepare to be virtually boarded by me Trojan worm! But seriously, you just need an updated virus guard, and you’re fine. Until Skynet ... then, you know, apocalypse ... And money doesn’t matter. So that’s fine.
Perkins: Steve is on to something— that is why he is rich. Simplicity is key. Don’t most PC users click ‘update later’ on their Norton Antivirus? Those updates are a nuisance and take too much time. We might have dodged this digital bullet, but it’s never too early to start planning defense tactics to ward off future pirates, Trojans and killer worms.
John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He forgot to mention “these difficult economic times.” Emily Perkins is editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She preferred the days when the worm was a lame ’80s dance move.
CULTURE CLASH: When Earth Hour/Day comes, will you power down?
Meo: Hey Perkins, the hippies have won. Twice. Earth Hour is Saturday. Between 8:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., we’re supposed to power down our gadgets. April 22 is Earth Day. Same deal, for a WHOLE DAY! I’ll pass on both, thanks.
Perkins: I’m kind of crunchy. I’ll power down. Earth Hour is a good idea. It should take place periodically. Is it that hard to step away from electricity for an hour? Turn off the TV. You can still watch Saturday Night Live. Read a book, play a board game, talk face to face with a real person. It’s not the “hippies’” fault. Blame the technologically addicted, Web-surfing, flat-screen watching, SUV-driving materialists.
Meo: I spent too much money on my gadgets to turn any of the them off. One reason my TV is so big is so I can have multiple forms of entertainment going simultaneously. Alone, none is fully capable of pleasing me. Sure, I may be reading a book, but maybe I want to unpause the PC game I’m playing or check the news or post a picture to Facebook of me unpausing that game while checking the news. Maybe, in the secondary screen, I want to hop into a GoW2 match or watch an “NCIS” rerun. Possibly while I’m on the phone and/or texting and/or VoIPing. Yeah, I VoIP. At least, I think I do.
Perkins: Wow, you are wired. I’m sure there is a 12-step program for that. My tolerance for technology is growing weary so I’m happy to forgo status updates, tweets, my DVR surplus and ringing phones for an hour. We only have one Earth. But I guess greedy techie mongers cancel out my generosity. What’s the harm in taking a break?
Meo: The harm? Well, I may miss something. The beauty of being as wired a (Trekkie alert!!) Borg drone is I exist in a vacuum. Whatever happens outside my little electronic bubble is inconsequential. The noise of the TV, the hum of the Xbox 360 and the DVR and the computer ... those are the birds chirping and the crickets ... er, cricketing, although, I hate crickets. I find that noise relaxing, even if I’m not in the room. So, a few extra years of Earth for future generations, or a few more minutes of soothing, pointless blather for me. Hmmm ... Tough call. I pick me.
Perkins: Crickets are part of the circle of life. Perhaps we can compromise phone privileges in case of emergency. People lived for years without multifunctional entertainment doodads. An hour without them won’t kill anyone. Earth-shattering news will deliver itself in the form of a giant fire ball, Biblical flood or maybe a global blackout. If not for the Earth take an hour out for yourself. Rest your eye balls, your brain and your fingers.
Emily Perkins is the editorial assistant at the Norwich Bulletin. She likes to stop and smell the roses. John Meo is design editor at the Norwich Bulletin. He thinks roses are just fine, as long as they come in the form of Xbox Live downloadable content.
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